When disasters or traumatic events happen in the news or a child’s life, parents often wonder what is the best way to deal with the situation. How much should we explain or expose them to what is going on? Are we doing them a disservice by shielding them from a tragic event? Here are some ideas to help parents talk with kids about disasters.
Be a Good Listener
Let your child be the focus and do most of the talking, parents can focus on being an attentive and understanding listener. The International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies says parents should not judge their child’s statements, but encourage him to share his thoughts and feelings. Parents can also reassure kids by letting them know that it’s okay to have strong emotions, no matter what they are, and that many people feel troubled when something terrible or frightening happens. If your child cries, comfort him and let him know that being sad is normal.
Provide Child Time to Talk About the Disaster
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) recommends you give your child ongoing opportunities to express her ideas about what she has seen on TV or heard from others. Let him know you are always ready to talk about this, or any other issues, that might be on his mind. Disasters are often covered in the news for a length of time, and as the real life story unfolds, your child may have more thoughts and concerns.
Answering Questions About Catastrophic Events
Your child might also have many questions; try to answer them as honestly and simply as possible. Let the answers be age appropriate and don’t make them too complicated and long. Remember to let the conservation revolve around your child expressing his perspective. If he has more questions after your explanation, he will likely ask you.
The SAMHSA recommends that if you don’t know the answers to some of his questions, it is okay to say so. You can always research the question and come back to him with an answer. As well, there will be some questions that no one will have answers to, and explain how that can be the case for difficult events in life.
News Coverage of Disasters
You know your child best, and some kids are more sensitive than others when it comes to how they take in what they see on TV. Also take into account how old your child is and his life experiences. How a preschooler sees TV and the world is a lot different from a teenager. If there is a lot of coverage on TV about a disaster, you may want to keep a close eye on what your child is watching. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, signs that news could be upsetting a child include having trouble sleeping, wetting the bed, crying and talking about feeling scared.
Be Selective About What Kids See on TV
Parents should make sure to be there if they are going to let their child watch disaster coverage on TV. By doing this, you can talk about what you are seeing together. Parents may also want to change the channel if the newscast will be featuring graphic scenes. Another option is to read newspaper articles about what is going on, and where possible find stories that talk about the positive events that are happening during a crisis. For example, talk to kids about how rescue workers are saving lives, how people are cooperating and working together to rebuild, how people from around the world are sending aid and donations to those in need.
Taking Action to Help People in Need as a Family
To help kids feel more empowered, parents and kids can talk about what they can do to help. If the disaster is somewhere near, find out where you can drop off goods like food, clothes and blankets. If the disaster is far away, you can go online and choose an aid organization to donate to. You can also, as a family, create your own family emergency plan and collect needed supplies in case of an emergency.
Parents Can Help Kids Cope With Disasters
When kids learn about a traumatic event or disaster, they can become worried and scared. Parents can help by listening, answering questions age-appropriately and reassuring the children that their feelings are okay. Parents may want to limit the news kids see and/or make sure they are present when disaster coverage is on. Parents can also brainstorm with kids about what action they can take as a family, be it at home with their own emergency plan to lending a helping hand to those who are affected by the disaster.
You may also want to check out How to Help Japan Earthquake and Tsunami Survivors.
References:
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Mental Health Services, "Tips for Talking to Children After a Disaster," September 2005 (accessed March 18, 2011).
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, "Facts for Families: Children and the News," January 2002 (accessed March 18, 2011).
International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies, "Children and Trauma," 2005 (accessed March 18, 2011).
Tami Nicholson - Tami is the Topic Editor for Parenting Methods at Suite101. She is a mother of two with a background in education and journalism.
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