Many people think of discipline as punishment for bad behaviour, but the word actually comes from the Latin discipulus, meaning "learner". Discipline should be a positive part of family life for Christians. Positive discipline is a way to teach and parent children through love and help build a healthy and happy family. That is one thing that Christians around the world have in common, it is their love of Jesus Christ. Jesus himself was a loving, kind and firm teacher, and it is with a loving spirit that Christians should be bringing up their children.
Discipline Should Teach Children
The goal behind positive discipline is for children to develop personally, socially and spiritually. To do this, parents need to help kids in their decision-making process and get them to consciously think about what is happening in their life and the part they play in it. Parents have a vital role in helping kids see who they are.
From an early age, kids are questioning who they are, even if they are not consciously aware of it. Parents should be disciplining their children in a way that their kids will feel they are still good and capable people who can make positive change, versus disciplining them in a way that they feel they are bad people who or not capable of anything and who cannot doing anything worthwhile.
Discipline is Respectful of a Child
Some people feel that corporal punishment or spankings are acceptable to provide discipline in a Christian family, but the gains tend to be short-term, can build resentment and essentially role model violence to children. Parents are wiser to be inspired by these words, “So in everything, do to others, what you would have them do to you” (Matt. 7.12A).
If a parent did something wrong at work and his manager yelled at him, humiliated him and hit him, would that help him learn? Probably not. He would feel sad or mad and withdraw or rebel from his boss whenever he had the chance. At the same time, never setting boundaries and letting children do whatever they want is not respecting kids either, because they need the wisdom and guidance of a parent to be the best they can be. All people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and children are no exception.
Discipline Should Have a Long-Term Impact
Using a punishment or reward model for parenting makes parents responsible, it doesn’t teach children about responsibility. It is the parents who have to catch kids being bad to punish them or catch them being good to reward them. Instead of children having their own internal moral compass to see what is right or wrong, punishing and rewarding leaves them dependent on their parents.
The goal is for parents to help kids build their own moral foundation to eventually live on their own and know how to make the right decision. Parents can do this by talking with their kids about what went wrong and helping them look at how they can fix the situation and do things differently next time. Using logic and love will have a longer lasting and greater positive influence on children than trying to inspire them by using fear and guilt.
Positive Discipline is Assertive
The key to positive discipline is for parents to show love and kindness, but to also be assertive at the same time. Being compassionate shows children the respect that all people deserve and that helps teach them how to be respectful of others. Being firm shows children that the issue at hand has to be dealt with and that changes are needed to keep things running smoothly in the home and in turn society as well.
“Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.” – Proverbs 22.6
Christian parents can discipline their children in a positive way by keeping teaching as the focus and being respectful of their children. Remember to discipline children in a way that is firm, kind and will have a long-term impact on their moral and spiritual growth.
For more discipline tips, check out How to Discipline Your Child and How to Deal with Conflict in Your Family.
Reference: Nelsen, Jane; Erwin, Cheryl; Brock, Michael; Hughes, Mary. Positive Discipline in the Christian Home: Using the Bible to Nurture Relationships, Develop Character, and Strengthen Family Values. Roseville, California: Prima Publishing, 2002.
Tami Nicholson - Tami is the Topic Editor for Parenting Methods at Suite101. She is a mother of two with a background in education and journalism.
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